She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
