Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
where are my eyebrows?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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