My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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