Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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