it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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