I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
