There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
