saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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