idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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