so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
