dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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