Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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