Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
