True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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