We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
