I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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