If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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