my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
