it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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