Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
