Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
