Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
