We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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