Im at strip club and am horny
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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