this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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