i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
