You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
