fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
