I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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