it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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