Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
