Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i think im in europe. pls send help
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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