I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
