to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
