It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
