he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
