morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
