you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
