I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
