And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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