The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
