At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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