nut hugger
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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