I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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