I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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