so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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