He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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