woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
