I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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