Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
