After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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