But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
