worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
