When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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