Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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