theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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