Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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