is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
nutella sex= disaster
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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