The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
