She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
