If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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