Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
