I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
