My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
