Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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