There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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