Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
