If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
