ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
