dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
