Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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