so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize