you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
