JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
