i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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