She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
