She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
