Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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