Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
